2006-12-06 : 12:47 a.m.
somebody told me i'm smart, and i didn't even have to commit adultery.
i got an A on my declamation for The Enlightenment that I gave on monday. I don't think that I have recieved an A on any of my large papers for a philosophy class until now. and i certainly haven't recieved an A on any of my previous declamations. i wrote a paper on something that i really care about (materialism and the existence of the soul), and defended it against the critiques of my peers and professor. so i am really proud of myself. it was really good to have my mind affirmed in this way. i am encouraged.
the lack of prominent female philosophers always makes me sortof self-conscious in my own studies. it hinders me from being confident in my own mind. ok, yeah, so we've got hannah arendt. but she is also famous because she screwed heidegger. (thanks a lot, girl. way to be a cool role model for me.) i want to rid myself of gender stereotypes, but it is hard when you have no one to point to as a counter-example.
so nobody else really understands how important it was to me to recieve this grade. so i just wanted to write it here.
2006-05-28 : 5:03 a.m.
-
dear guy who grabbed my ass as i was walking alone down a dark street tonight.
fuck you.
and fuck whatever upbringing you come from that teaches you that that is ok.
2006-03-20 : 10:35 p.m.
where do you want to go?
before today i never really ever wanted to drop out of school. and i know that i won't. but i will acknowlege that right now my desire to join up with that hippie and travel and live out of a van seeking good times for a while seriously outweighs my desire to continue to wrestle through what it means to seek the good life via lots of heavy reading and writing difficult papers.
i guess i am just tired.
2005-10-20 : 2:21 a.m.
zigzag
i have quality friends.
i just do.
and north park is filled with wonderful people.
2005-06-24 : 10:27 a.m.
freedom is an empty room.
as of today. i will be living life with only the following possesions in my house:
air mattress.
a small gathering of clothes.
food.
record player.
laptop.
some books.
if i had known that simplifying my life was going to be this easy, i would have done it years ago.
2005-06-12 : 2:53 a.m.
the times they are a changin'
i am going to miss the solitude that i have here.
a lot.
2005-05-30 : 3:16 a.m.
wishes and candy dishes
some things that i wish.
- life was easier.
- i knew where the hell my life was going. for the short term.
- i had more money.
- i loved better.
- i knew WHERE THE HELL my life was going. right now.
- you would quit reading my diary. weirdo.
2005-03-03 : 2:33 a.m.
joe camel smells bad.
so it is kindof a given that when you are around people that smoke, your hair will smell like smoke. I can deal with that. Unless those people are smoking camels. gross.
2005-01-18 : 1:58 a.m.
crazy
i just realized that i like to pretend to be mad at my friends for small periods of time. you know, like "haha i fooled you. isn't that funny". no harm done. just to see how my friends handle conflict. to see if they are insulting or will talk behind my back.
does that make me crazy?
2004-11-30 : 1:37 p.m.
-
some days i hate everything about me.
2004-10-22 : 6:39 p.m.
oh jeff.
jeff buckley puts my soul at ease.
2004-09-26 : 2:06 a.m.
i am made up of other people.
so i was just looking in the mirror for a while...something I never do...and I decided that I look weird. My features don't match. My eyes and my nose and my lips don't belong together. they would look normal, seperate, on other peoples faces with other features, but not together. it's like some one cut up pictures of peoples features out of a magazine and made a collage of them together. all this time I've had a different picture in my head of what I look like than what other people see. strange. ok, and this isn't a "self-pity, leave me comments saying you don't think so" entry. i was just thinking about it.
2004-09-21 : 7:59 p.m.
sorry I suck at entertaining you. probably you should go do something with your friends or read or something. sorry I'm bad at entertainment suggestions also.
look at me go. I'm not done with this after all. Billy Corgan rocked my socks off. I love that guy. He only played three songs, but it was so worth it. And Kill Hannah wasn't bad either, so that was a plus. So I always feel like I have stuff that I should be doing, but every once in a while I'll find myself with a couple hours where I have nothing to do. Hence the reason I am updating right now. No homework due tomorrow, roommate is in class, Leah is at Gospel Choir, Allison's room has potpourri that makes me nauseous so i don't want to go over there, and here I am. College is good I guess. People always ask me "how is college?". I think that's a weird question. Honestly, what do you think I'm going to say?
I feel bad. I forgot to call my dad on his birthday. I'm a jerk daughter.
Ok, so I guess I'm just killing time. I'm gonna stop doing that now. You should too.
2004-08-30 : 2:54 p.m.
new college, new times
im in college again. this one is better than the last one. i like living on my own. i made new friends. way to go me. i don't know how much i'll be updating this thing anymore. but then again, I've said that before and I've had this thing since sophomore year in high school. bye.
2004-08-17 : 11:56 p.m.
"movin on up to the east side..." um, or north side.
well, in seven hours and nine minutes, I will no longer be living at my house. thats right. my car is packed and I'm ready to go. It's weird to think about. My room won't really be my room anymore. all the things i've gone through and thought about in this room. it's weird. it kinda feels like my room is dying. because the next time I come home it will be totally redone. new carpet, new wall color, less of my stuff. aw, these are the last few hours of it's existence. I feel like I should take pictures with it and have a long conversation with it about all the good and bad times we've gone through together. oh, I'm gonna miss you, man.
ok, new topic. i still have a lot to do before 7:05 tommorrow morning. I'm excited. Childhood and young adulthood are over. time to head into full blown grown-up adulthood. High school times and High school fun are over. that's kind of a relief. and let me just say that those were definately NOT the best years of my life. why do people always say that? i mean, I'm not saying they were bad, I'm just planning on having a much better time in college.
so finishing along the same lines as shannon, see ya friends. talk to you when we are all big girls, at big girl school.
anyway, I'm gonna go start this new life.
oh, and how come you never see a skeleton with crooked teeth? i mean, people with crooked teeth die sometimes. how come you don't see THEIR skeletons on tv. stupid superficial society.
oh, and john, i have a present for you that I got for you in WV. I was gonna bring it over that night me and allison were gonna stop by. so, next time you are in chicago give me a call and I'll give it to you.
2004-08-04 : 12:10 a.m.
"look lisa, I'm learnding."
ok, so I probably mentioned earlier in the semester about how I placed into the stupidest math class possible (ok, so there were like one or two classes below mine, but mine was very low none the less). It was no big deal at first. I know I am not really great at math, no suprise. but oh my goodness...the things my math proffessor had to explain to my class. I felt like clawing my face off. it was excruciating. Like, I know I am not good at math, but I know how to freaking multiply, dude. so throughout the semester I would write down some of the hillarious quotes that my proffessor said. And I am about to throw that notebook out, and I thought I'd share the hillarity. (oh, and keep in mind, he was being completely serious when he said each one of these)
"adding is not the same as multiplying"
"573 is not less than 10"
and some quotes that my proffessor said bc he is kinda weird and freaking in love with math...
"don't call the slope zero. you'd be dissing the number zero if you did that."
"I have peace in my heart when I have a prime factor."
"I want to introduce you to my friend, Poly. Better known as Polynomial. by the way, polynomials are our friends."
"Now don't break my heart with this. That is what I said to my last girlfriend. She didn't listen to me."
"zero is a number. give it some respect."
2004-07-29 : 11:03 p.m.
haha, i can't believe i haven't found this before.
and oh my gosh is this hillarious...um, may i make a book recomendation.
http://www.newsmaxstore.com/nms/showdetl.cfm?&DID=6&Product_ID=1759
and you can get the review here
http://www.newsmax.com/archives/articles/2004/6/23/165945.shtml
haha, oh man. good stuff.
2004-07-29 : 10:39 p.m.
"creatures crawl in search of blood, to terrorize y'awl's neighborhood."
so my littlest brother is the awesomest littlest brother ever. even if you are thinking, "well, my littlest brother is probably just as awesome, or maybe even awesomer." I am sorry, you are wrong. wanna know why my brother is so awesome? I got home from work today, and my mom says, "wanna see what andrew got for you today?" and then she pulled out a plastic bag that contained Michael Jackson's THRILLER album, on vinyl. That's right, the original 1982 recording. I guess this house in our neighborhood is having a garage sale and they are selling a bunch of awesome records from the 70's and 80's. I'm definately going to have to take a trip up there tommorrow. maybe they have some Carl Carlton...
"she's a bad mama jama..."...
anyway, I should probably continue cleaning my room out if I ever want to get the mug out of here.
2004-07-22 : 4:54 p.m.
slamtastic.
If Neuman from sienfeld, and comic book store guy from the simpsons had a baby, his name would be Michael Moore.
2004-07-21 : 11:41 p.m.
how can a piece of paper punch you in the stomach, I'll tell you how...
I just got my first bill from North Park today. $11,329. for the fall semester. I wanted to throw up when I looked at that number. I really need to figure something better out for next year. I've got a few ideas. We'll see what pans out. Because I don't know if I will be able to live with myself graduating $80,000 in debt. Oh, I musn't fret about such things. I have way more immediate things to get in order this week.
I was looking through some old photo albums last night. Albums of my mom and dad when they were dating and right after they got married. My dad used to dress super cool. It's hard to believe that that guy in the fitted t-shirt, suede jacket, and plaid pants, sitting on his motorcyle turned into the straight-laced, white collar, businessman he is today. It's weird seeing pictures of him with shaggy hair and a guitar, and thinking that that is who my dad used to be. It was cool though. seeing pictures of them at Jesus Fest (the "cornerstone" of their day). seeing all the rv's and tents spread out across an open field. seeing pictures of my parents and thinking "They were people I would probably have been friends with". I guess times haven't changed THAT much. anyway, until the next time I am bored...adios.
2004-07-18 : 10:55 p.m.
everything is spledid, one month from now
so guess what is happening exactly one month from today....me moving out and moving into downtown chicago!!! woop di woop! and I talked to one of my managers at applebee's and he said I could transfer to the one downtown if I want. hooray! that way I can just jump right in to making money and not have to go through the training and learning the new menu of a new restaurant.
oh yes! sound opinions is on! it's this super awesome show where the music critics from the chicago sun-times and the chicago tribune talk about bands.
ok, I'm gonna go watch this show. man, am I an updating machine or what?
2004-07-17 : 11:56 p.m.
a letter to society
to society:
so me and allison were talking the other night and I realized something. I am really sick of how our society views and teaches people to view women. And before I start, I just want to say that I am NOT a femenist, nor will I ever be. In general, I hate femenism today. I don't think women are better than men, and I don't think that we don't need men. With that said, I will continue. Our society tells women that we have to look a certain way in order to be attractive. On the same note, it tells men that it is acceptable to think that way. We have shows like "Average Joe" that tell women to look beyond the surface, because who a person is is what really matters. Our society never tells men that they need to look beyond the surface. It is to the point that women feel this pressure to have this "perfect" figure. this 36, 24, 36 figure is the figure we must have in order to be attractive, reguardless of our bone structure. And this pressure we feel daily is so accepted, so normal, so expected, that we don't even think twice about it. we spend a lot our lives feeling ugly. ugh, that is one of the worst feelings in the world! when we look at ourselves in the mirror and we want to cry. daily. And no one is calling for change! the media feeds it with their ads and music videos where these "beautiful" women (and only these women) are always the object of the man's affection. we see these digusting COORS LIGHT commercials that idealize these women with THE figure. the women with the right sized bust and tight abdomen in the tight clothes, bare midriffs, tan skin, and pierced belly buttons. and it not only condones the behavior of the men, but CALLS for it. it CALLS for it! what are we doing as a society when we are telling the 16 year old girls, the 13 year old girls, even the 10 year old girls that if you want to be liked, if You want to be attractive, you have to look like her! WHAT ARE WE DOING??? WE are breeding anorexia and bulimia among an incresingly larger and younger group of girls. and we don't do anything about it? because why? because we want to sell pretty bras, and weight loss pills? why do we excuse this thought process in men that it is ok to date only the prettiest, that it is ok to look past the girl who wouldn't be in a victoria's secret ad. Why are we placing values on people because of the way they look? Why does fat = ugly? And I think about this and I get all worked up about it, and say "We need to tell people that this thought process, that this behaviour, is NOT ok!!" But how do we do it. how can we reverse what decades and decades of television and ad's have taught? the answer: I have no freaking idea. And I am so frustrated because of it. I say, "we are all people, and we are all beautiful, created by God." But that comes off as cheesy, and....I don't even know. Within the church it is easy to say, "don't lust, it's bad." or "don't judge on the outside appearance." but what about outside of the church? All these men are using these women mentally, and it is SO degrading and SO unacceptable. ugh, ok I am just frustrating myself. Don't allow this to be acceptable. don't excuse it with the reasoning, "well, that's just how guys are." or "all guys are like that, it's how they are wired". because it is NOT ok. women are NOT objects.
ok, i'm not really sure how well I communicated everything that is in my head. I am really tired from work, so if some of this doesn't make sense, or it seems like something is missing, I'm sorry. and I DO realize that not all men are like that. And I am so thankful for the people I have met that give me hope. Hope that not everyone is so easily swayed by the media, and have a sense of self-accountability.
and again, if any of this sounds a little off, it is probably due to my tiredness. Or maybe it is due to me being so passionate about something that maybe doesn't seem like a big deal to you. i don't know. i am going to stop typing now and hope that this makes sense to someone.
2004-07-17 : 11:39 p.m.
carrying plates hurts my back, but helps my wallet.
i do weird stuff when I am bored and by myself. Like put on ridiculous amounts of makeup for no reason. I learned that putting lots of dark makeup around your eyes really makes them look nice. I also learned that putting lots of dark makeup around your eyes makes you look like a clown.
man, elimidate is hillarious. where do they find these people? this can't be real.
my job is bad for my lower neck and upper back. I went to the chiropractor the other day and I thought he fixed it, but today i found out he didn't. I wish I had a robot masseuse.
la la la la, allison is leaving tomorrow for tennessee and she won't be back for a whole week! what am I going to do after work every day? I can't go to caribou and talk to myself!
ok, i don't even know why i am still writing. I am going to start a new entry now about something more substantial.
2004-07-11 : 12:49 a.m.
why am i updating? i have nothing to say. boredom, I guess..
ok, everything is grand. I (well, actually Allison), finally figured out how to make this thing weblog style. and all those lost entries from like a year ago are reopened. sortof. you just have to start at "North Park Visit" and work your way down.
Today was a long day at the bee's. (i keep trying to think of a cool nickname for it like i did with office max, and that was the best i could do). 11 1/2 hours to be exact. And I didn't really get any crappy tips. And this one guy who forgot to tip me yesterday called in today to tell me that he is gonna come in on monday to give me my tip. how nice is that? all is good in the hood.
ok, so i just deleted the rest of this entry because the reason I changed this diary to weblog style is so i could make super short entries and not feel dumb about it.
anyway, I'm gonna get the mug out of here. c ya.
2004-07-09 : 10:35 p.m.
allison rocks
hopefully this worked and I didn't accidentaly lock like 4 more months of entries again.
2004-07-05 : 9:30 p.m.
I think me and cornerstone like eachother
it's been a while since i updated last, not a whole lot is different. I finished my first semester of college with semi-flying colors. and I've pretty much just been working since then. oh, well, I did go to cornerstone this past week. it was a blast. i had so much fun. me and allison saw so many amazing bands and met so many cool people. All our neighbors were gems. I hope i see all those milkshakes again soon. Although I wish it wasn't over, it does feel good to take a real shower (not the well water kind), wear clothes that aren't damp with humidity and rain, and have a matress to use at my discretion. Oh man, fun times. I'll probably update with more on that later.
I don't believe I told you guys what my fall plans are yet. I will be attending North Park University in downtown chicago. And i will be living ON campus. oh man, I am getting so excited. I can't wait to kindof live on my own. OH and me and Sarah (my roomate)bought a futon for our dorm so if any of you guys need a place to stay in chicago (starting august 18th) let me know. Less than a month and a half away!
I just called work. I work lunch tomorrow. boo for that, I need money. dinner is where the money is.
I wish i had more to say, but i don't. so hike it on over to Allison's xanga ( www.xanga.com/allion )or diary because she writes better than me and knows how to put pictures up and put links on stuff.